Beware: Toxic

“Michael, I feel like I need to apologize to you,” said the chairman of the search team to the new pastor. “For what?” the pastor replied curiously. “I feel like we lied to you during the interview process,” he answered. This pastor would later get apologies from two more of the search team members who hired him for misrepresenting the church. The search team knew things were toxic, but they buried their heads in the sand on some things, and on others they just chose to omit them. Once you have been in an unhealthy culture for a long time, you don’t even realize it is unhealthy. It just feels normal to you. In a church, a spiritual blindness takes hold when the culture turns dark and sinful.

 

 Church culture is a culmination of the collective attitude, actions, and spiritual depth of a congregation. A healthy church culture comes from a place of loving humility, a willingness to serve, and a desire to follow the Scriptures. An unhealthy culture has a “me first” attitude. It sees the church through the eyes of consumerism and has a very low desire for following the word.

 

When Michael was hired at this church, it came with all the assurances that the church was in a good place. It was described as healthy congregationally, it was healthy financially, and it was spiritually thriving. After a few short weeks, that is not what Michael found. The finances were a mess, and reporting was not accurate at all. There was even suspicion that a couple who had been over the finances had altered the books, making them seem better than they were. There was suspicion that other staff members were milking the church for money to fund their own special projects while not doing the job they were hired for. There was also evidence that one staff member had been having an affair with a prominent member of the church. At the same time all these things were coming to light, the new pastor learns of a pedophile that had been molesting a young boy for years, and this guy was working in the kid’s ministry. The congregation has been burned. They are bitter, critical, and trust is gone. The congregation had a history of writing hate mail to previous pastors and began writing them to Michael as well. Then, with tension building over all these things a split happens where those who had enough left and started a new congregation. Michael is left with a small team of people to put the pieces together. All these things happen within his first year.

 

Michael and his family were devastated. What were they to do? They had children, they had moved to the area, and they had left all their family. The wickedness that they faced did not change the fact that Michael had a responsibility and a calling to fix what God had called him to. In order for the church to make a turn, the culture had to change.

 

How does one begin to make a change in the culture of a toxic church?

 

Matthew 18:15-20

• Pray
  • Gather likeminded people around you and ask God to heal your church.
  • Ask God to expose sin.
  • Ask God to convict the hearts of those who are participating in the toxicity.
  • Ask God to remove people who are doing the church harm.
  • Ask God to raise up a group of people who love Jesus and want to serve Him.
  • Pray for the strength and character of your church leaders.
  • Pray for your own heart that you might not grow bitter or weary while trying to do good.

 

• Attack sin
  • The issues must be identified and approached in a strategic way to minimize further damage to the congregation but addressing the most egregious of sin.
  • The pastor must preach from the Scriptures and hold them to a high authority over the church.
  • The Elders in the church must have the authority to invoke church discipline when necessary.
  • The church must desire holiness.
  • Major issues must be addressed. They must be addressed firmly and biblically.
    • Caution! This is where many leaders will cower. This is the hard work of protecting the church culture. You will be tempted to shy away because of a person’s prominence, giving or influence.
    • Realize that it is sin that is destroying your church. Call it out, seek repentance and reconciliation.

 

1 Corinthians 5:12-13, For what have I to do with judging outsiders?  Is it not those inside the church² whom you are to judge? God judges³ those outside.  “Purge the evil person from among you.”

 

Build trust

• Start doing the things that need to be done.
• Balance the finances
• Show transparency.
• Begin repairing what is broken.
• Find hardworking trustworthy leaders.
• Elect Godly people to positions of influence.
• Have frequent Q&A sessions.
• Spend time with leaders.

 

Love well

• When people are cruel to you it is hard to love them. But you must.
• Make frequent phone calls or visits to those who need them.
• Have strategic lunches with people of influence.
• Get to know families and have them over for dinner.
• Go to Bible studies and functions that different groups have.
• Spend time with senior adults. Seek their wisdom, hear their stories, learn their perspective.
• Love the kids and student ministries well.
  • Pastors tend to be drawn toward the problem people or people of influence, but the kids are where you will build relationships the fastest. Go be with them, play with them, learn their names, and teach them when you can. Have fun! It will refresh your soul and help you gain the young families that will be the backbone of rebuilding your culture.

 

Build a Team of Shepherds!

Wolves always capitalize on toxic cultures and destroy churches! Be aware of them. Your calling is to rid them of influence and standing in the church. Make no mistake: this is a messy process that will take years to change. People will leave. The temptation will be to stop and tolerate for the sake of maintaining numbers. You be brave. You be steadfast. Nowhere in God’s word do we see a call for us to tolerate wickedness in Jesus’ church. In fact, we are told to be holy. We are told to judge one another in the church. We are to encourage, to love one another, and seek unity in the body without compromising on our Biblical calling. Our greatest witness lies here. 

Elders Lead Together

In the New Testament, it was common for churches to have multiple elders leading together. Our strong belief, supported by evidence, is that an elder-led model of church governance aligns most closely with the biblical pattern.

Having multiple elders leading a congregation is not only biblical but also practical. Their shared leadership brings a wealth of perspectives, wisdom, and accountability. According to the Bible, elders are primarily responsible for leading and overseeing the church. It is not about one person taking charge, but a team working together.

While many churches have had a single pastor in the past century, the norm in the New Testament seems to be a plurality of elders. Numerous biblical references, such as Acts 14:23, 15:22-23, 20:17, 1 Peter 5:1, and James 5:14, instruct the appointment of multiple elders in each local church.

At MPFBC we have operated under a Management Team model for many years. However, I want to honestly share a few reasons why transitioning to an elder-led model is a better approach for us in the future.

· The New Testament consistently portrays the leadership of the church as a group of elders.

· It provides a balance of individual strengths and weaknesses.

· It ensures accountability for staff, leadership, and the church as a whole.

· It provides long term and consistent leadership for the church.

· It provides biblically qualified men to lead the church.

· It promotes service and leadership development within the church.

While one person may be called as the lead pastor, they are considered “first among equals” as a member of the Elder Board. This means they may have more responsibilities, but they do not possess more authority than their fellow elders. The pastor in this position submits to and affirms the leadership of their fellow elders in the church, recognizing their equal value and authority.

Elders, affirmed by the congregation, may have careers outside the church but willingly make sacrifices to take on these responsibilities. They pray for the church and its members, engage in discussions about pastoral and ministry issues, and make decisions about the church’s direction.

As the culture continues to change in the coming years, the collective wisdom of a team of elders will greatly benefit our church as we strive to connect people to God’s story. We believe that an elder-led model of church governance is not only biblically sound but also provides a strong foundation for the growth and health of our church community. So, while the transition may require some adjustment, we are confident that it will lead us to a more effective and faithful expression of God’s kingdom on earth. Our goal is to honor God and serve His people through this model of church governance, and we are excited to see how He will continue to work in and through our leadership team. Let us continue to pray for unity, wisdom, and grace as we move forward together in this exciting new chapter for MPFBC.

When is it time to leave?

I hear the rumblings now more than ever before, “I am thinking about leaving.” Leaving your church is no small decision! This is the place where the Bible says we find community, love, service and worship. The New Testament doesn’t lay out for us the idea of leaving the local church. It in fact tells us to not neglect the gathering of believers (Hebrews 10:25). It sure doesn’t give us the idea of moving from church to church. 

The practice of leaving one church for another is in fact a first world issue that we only see in developed nations with multiple churches competing against one another. There are many reasons that we hear of for people leaving. Some are legitimate like moving or unbiblical doctrine. Most, however; are not Biblical reasons. If we were to examine ourselves closely, what I think we would find is that our desire to leave has more to do with where our own hearts are rather than the state of the church. 

When I was younger, I had a skewed view of the church. We would go from church to church for the music, the programs, the preacher, whatever. It was immature at best. I thought the church was there for me. I was a consumer. Whenever something happened in the church that I didn’t like, I would leave. What I didn’t do was grow. What I didn’t want was accountability. What I didn’t have was a church family. I wasn’t really there to serve and make the church better. I was there to take. That was wrong. 

I didn’t realize that the church was supposed to be a family; a place where I could grow and be connected to other believers. I didn’t realize that the struggles and changes that happen are not to turn me away but to make me grow. They are there to force me to be sharpened by other believers. They force me to practice Biblical accountability according to Matthew 18. They are there to give me opportunity to grow with a group of people. I am to be poured out and poured into by those who are imperfectly leaning into Jesus. 

So, what do I do with a church that is changing or in conflict? 

• Be a participant in holiness. 1 Peter 1:16. Reject the urge to gossip and backbite. This kind of behavior slaughters the community of the church. It does irreparable harm and it must stop with you. Proverbs 16:28 says, “A dishonest man spreads strife, and a whisperer separates close friends.” 
• Be a part of the solution. 1 Peter 4:10 Find where the problems are and invest in the church that you love. Don’t be content with sitting on the sidelines waiting to see what happens. Get in and fix a problem. Serve the church you were called to and gifted for.
• Talk with your leadership. Acts 20:28-30. If you have a problem with the leadership, you should talk to them. If you don’t feel comfortable, take another leader with you. Shepherds are there to make the best decisions for the flock as a whole. They love the church and want what is best for it. You may not agree with every decision, and that is ok. You don’t have to. I guarantee you those making the decisions don’t agree with some of them either but see them as necessary for the church. 
• Don’t divorce the body. 1 Corinthians 12:14-27 The church needs people who are all in. The body needs people that they can count on to grow with; to have safe friction with. Safe friction is when you and I can have conflict and love for one another at the same time. I don’t feel the need to vilify you, and I don’t have to worry about you hating me. We can have conflict that leads to our growth and deep connection. We need people in the body who love the body enough to stick to it.
• Pray and examine. Romans 8:26-27 This is the most important one. We must pray for our church, our leaders and ourselves. It is hard to harbor hard feelings for those you are praying for. When you spend time praying for your church, you will find yourself falling in love with your church all over again. You will begin to see things in a different way. You will hopefully realize that this church is worth your life. That is really what we are talking about. Is this group of people worth investing my life into? If God has placed you in a good church, even the conflict is good for your growth. Pray for it, pray for your leaders, and pray that you would be responsible for your own biblical obedience the to the Scriptures.

So, when is it ok to leave?

When God sends you on mission. When you move out of the area. When you die. When there is unrepentant, unaccountable doctrinal drift.

Recently, a church in the Atlanta area affirmed a transgender woman’s decision to transition to a man, marry a woman and then be baptized in their church. This is an example of a good reason to leave. Any overt Biblical drift that is not held in check by church leaders is good reason for members of the church to either rise up against leadership or leave. 

So, inevitably when the question comes to us, “Is it time to go?” I encourage you to choose to stay. Choose to grow. Choose to invest. Choose to beat on the doors of heaven for your church. What you will find is that you will grow and you will grow a more healthy church for generations to come. 

What Would Jesus Do?

I started doing student ministry about the time that “WWJD” became one of the slogans for student ministries. We had t-shirts and bracelets that would act as a reminder for a student to act as Jesus did. That is still a good practice. What we didn’t anticipate were the misconceptions around Jesus. Jesus was thought of as a super nice guy that would never hurt anyone’s feelings. This unbiblical characterization of Jesus lead people to take on habits that were sinful and wrong. Christianity lost some of its power because people took on character traits of a false Jesus. One that they had either made up or were misinformed of.

In reality, Jesus was not always nice. He was often confrontational with the religious leaders of his time, calling them out for their hypocrisy and corrupt practices (Matthew 23:13-36). He also overturned tables in the temple and drove out those who were using it for their own selfish gain (John 2:13-17).

Jesus’ message was not always easy to hear either. He spoke about taking up one’s cross and following him, which meant giving up everything for the sake of the Gospel (Matthew 16:24-26). He warned against false teachers and told his followers that they would be persecuted for their faith (Matthew 7:15-20; John 15:18-21).

So why does it matter that Jesus wasn’t always nice? For one thing, it reminds us that being a follower of Christ isn’t just about being agreeable all the time. There are times when we must stand up for what is right and speak truth even when it’s hard or unpopular. It also reminds us that Jesus came to challenge the status quo – he didn’t come to make us feel comfortable or complacent.

Furthermore, recognizing that Jesus wasn’t always nice helps us better understand his love for humanity. His confrontational behavior towards the Pharisees showed how much he cared about people living according to God’s will instead of their own selfish desires. His willingness to speak difficult truths demonstrated how much he loved people enough to tell them what they needed to hear rather than what they wanted to hear.

So, if you still have one of those “WWJD” bracelets put it back on. When you do also put on the characteristics of the real Jesus. Be a person of biblical conviction who will stand up for what is right, who will call out sin and who will not settle for dead practices that don’t produce spiritual fruit.

Keep Kids Safe online

Keeping your family safe online is a constant battle. As technology continues to advance, parents must be vigilant in protecting their children from the dangers that lurk online. Here are some practical tips and tools for keeping your kids safe online:

1. Set clear boundaries: Establishing rules for internet usage is essential. Make sure your kids understand what they can and cannot do online, including which websites they are allowed to visit and how much time they can spend on the internet. We have instituted a rule in our home that you can’t take devices to your room. You can watch videos or be online in the living areas only.
2. Invest in parental control software: There are many parental control apps available that allow you to monitor your child’s online activities, block inappropriate content, and set usage limits. Some popular options include Norton Family, Qustodio, and Net Nanny. One that we are putting on all of our kids devices is Cleanbrowsing. Their are 2 different types of set up. One is a free version that uses a VPN to filter out unwanted websites. The second option is a paid subscription ($59 a year). On the subscription plan you have a lot more options for filtering and you can monitor what you kids are trying to view. The app has a passcode that you set which prevents the vpn from being turned off. It even works when they are on data or on another network. So far I am a big fan of it’s capabilities.
3. Educate yourself: Knowing the latest trends in social media platforms and other online spaces can help you stay ahead of potential threats to your child’s safety. Keep an eye out for new apps or websites popping up that could pose a problem for your family. Here is a link to some of the latest data.
4. Encourage open communication: Create an environment where your children feel comfortable talking with you about their online experiences without fear of punishment or judgment. Make it clear that if they encounter something concerning or dangerous, they should come to you immediately.
5. Teach good digital citizenship: Emphasize the importance of treating others with kindness and respect online just as you would in person. Reinforce the idea that anything posted on the internet can have real-world consequences.
6. Monitor devices: Keep computers and other devices in common areas where you can easily see what your kids are doing online. Consider using screen time tracking features built into devices like iPhones or iPads to keep tabs on when and how long devices are being used. If you are like us there are various smart tv’s, video game consoles and desktop computers that are in various places in the home. When you are super spread out it may be hard to monitor everything. You need help! I recently installed a device that filters my web traffic, blocks ads, cuts off the internet and even blocks specific websites. It is fully customizable and is accessible through an app on your phone. It’s called firewalla (I have the purple one). It is an expensive devices but it allows me to monitor and control every device on my network. It will even send me notifications for whatever kind of alarm that I set.
7. Lead by example: Model responsible digital behavior by practicing good habits such as not texting while driving, avoiding excessive screen time, and not engaging in cyberbullying or other negative behaviors online. We must remember that our children are watching. Good behaviors are taught and caught. That means that what you do is just as important as what you say.

By following these tips and using available tools such as parental control software, monitoring devices and good intuition parents can help ensure their children stay safe online. Remember the words of apostle Paul, Ephesians 5:15–16 (ESV): Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, 16 making the best use of the time, because the days are evil. Stay vigilant, talk openly with your kids and most of all don’t quit.

Desperate Revival

There are many churches right now that are broken hearted. They’ve experienced loss. They have financial difficulties. Their community has changed around them and they don’t know what to do. There is an impending sense of doom that this Sunday may be their last. Just like in any crisis we have a choice in our response.

Psalm 43:5
Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God.

We can shrink into despair. Despair is withdrawal accompanied by hopelessness. Despair pushes you away from God. It leads you to abandon prayer, it pushes you away from His word, it causes you to eventually walk away from your church. This affects us all differently. The end result though is the same, a withdrawal from the body, a hopelessness in the mind and a depleted spirit. 

The other side of the coin is desperation. Desperation is abandonment to the only thing that can satisfy. It is the attitude that only God can fix what is really ailing us. So, instead of withdrawing, we come closer, we seek His face. We hunger for his word. We beat on the door of heaven until he answers us. We desire a unified body and the presence of the Spirit in our midst. 

 Sermons and programs won’t fix what is ailing us. The church isn’t an organization, it is an organism whose life comes from the Spirit of God. Only the Spirit of God can revive us. The Spirit will only come when we are desperate for the Lord.  So, desperate that we are willing to destroy our idols and flee our lusts for more of Him. The willingness for this kind of radical life change comes when we realize that somewhere along the way we traded what God wanted for us for something far inferior.

Psalms 34:17-19- When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears and delivers them out of all their troubles. The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivers him out of them all. ^[1]

Peter gives us the formula for revival. 1 Peter 5:6-11, Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, ⁷ casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you. ⁸ Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. ⁹ Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world. ¹⁰ And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you. ¹¹ To him be the dominion forever and ever. Amen. ^[2]

Humble yourselves– bring yourself to your proper place. Make yourself a servant of the Lord Jesus.

Cast all your anxieties– cast your personal anxieties, cast the church’s anxieties and the world anxieties upon the Lord.  He is big enough, He can handle it.

Be sober-minded– get your mind and your thinking in line with God’s word. This will mean killing idols, breaking traditions and hungering to see people saved and discipled.

Be watchful– When you feel weak that is when the enemy attacks. Know it’s coming. When things feel like they are coming a part that is when Satan shows up in people’s lives and sin begins to abound. Division will be brought, Sin will be in the camp, and murmurous slander will be creep in.

Resist him– Resist the evil that seeks to divide, to steal, to kill and destroy. Jesus wasn’t nice toward evil, you shouldn’t be either. Let it be known that it will not be tolerated. Fight for righteousness and love toward one another.

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Desperate revival is fought for. Desperate revival is sought in the individual first. When it builds, it spreads. When it spreads the church comes alive because Jesus reigns in the hearts of its people. Then will the culture change in the church. Only then will mission and worship be first and foremost on the people’s hearts. Then will we see a community reached for the gospel, disciples made and missionaries sent.

Maranatha!

Today, I do.

I will never forget when I knew that I was supposed to propose to Carrie. We had recently broken up after dating for nearly 5 years. I had never dealt with the suicide of my father, the abuse that I had endured so I ran from it, joining Marines. Then upon coming home the Lord began using all that I had buried to crush my heart. So, I broke away from everything and mostly everyone to try to get my head around what life was supposed to look like. I knew God was calling me to follow him, to give my life to vocational ministry. It was all too much. As I prayed for clarity there was one thing that I was sure of. Carrie was supposed to be my wife. So without hesitation I bought a ring and asked her. Fortunately, she said yes there in the office of our college pastor.

In our discussions around marriage and what we wanted it to be we stated emphatically that we wanted a marriage where divorce was off the table. That our yes was yes for life. We promised there and then that we would work through whatever hardship life would throw our way together. That is easy to say in your 20’s. That is easy to say before life deals more hits, but we’ve been able to stick to the promise for over 20 years.

What I have found is that promise started a series of other promises. After so many years I no longer rely on a promise that I made so long ago in naivety. I rely on a promise that I subconsciously make every day. It is a promise that I think is missing in many marriages today. A promise that today, I do. Without a renewed commitment to our covenants with our spouse the promise that we made early on will fade. So, I don’t rely on a vow that I made in 1999. I rely today on a vow that I made this morning. That today, no matter what my, “I do” is sacrificially given to her.

Why offer it sacrificially? Because must realize that my “I do” must cost me, me. For today’s “I do” to mean anything it must be backed by a life position that exemplifies Christlike service to my spouse. Ephesians 5:21 tells us to submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Later, Paul writes that I should love her like Christ loves the church. I should pour myself out for her (v25). This is an example of Christ’s work in my life. This is an example for our 5 children for what they should do for their future spouse. This is also a picture for the world of the gospel. That Christ would serve us by laying his life down for us. So, my “I do” today comes with open hands, a grateful heart, and a sacrificial spirit.

This is harder than my sinful, selfish flesh wants to admit. Honestly, some days I am terrible at it. What I have learned is that we must offer grace. I must offer her grace when it’s hard for her and I must offer it to myself as well. Then the next day, put on my “I do” again. Walking away is not an option. Until we are caught up in the victorious power of Christ over death we shall sacrificially declare our “I do.” We do it as a sacrifice of praise for the glorious salvation that He has given us, our best attempt to return to the love felt in Eden.

 The Holy Bible: English Standard Version (Wheaton, IL: Crossway Bibles, 2016), Eph 5:21.

Death is Defeated

Christ’s crushing blow!

One of the most powerful moments of love and hope is found in John 11:38-44 when Jesus visits his friend Lazarus’s tomb. Lazarus had died four days earlier, causing immense grief for his sisters Mary and Martha. When Jesus arrives to the tomb and calls out to Lazarus, He speaks with a commanding voice that overwhelms death. He then prays aloud to His Father, thanking Him for hearing His prayer. On witnessing this scene of faith, the crowd present there believes in Him even more deeply.

At Jesus’ command, they remove the stone from the entrance of the tomb. Martha hesitates at first due to fear that her brother’s body will smell foul after being dead for so long; however, Jesus reassures her with a promise that if she only believed in Him she would see the glory of God. This moment marks an important turning point for Mary and Martha- up til this point they had given up hope but now believe again in Jesus’ power to restore life.

Finally, Lazarus emerges alive from the tomb still wrapped in his burial cloths and many believe in Jesus even more deeply than before. This is just one example of how Jesus is our champion against death- by rising from His own death on the cross He promises each of us everlasting life should we choose to follow Him as our Lord and Savior. Even in moments where we feel weighed down by grief or despair, Jesus is always present with us if we choose to call out to Him and trust in His power to bring new life out of death.

Paul encourages us to be steadfast and immovable despite all trials- no matter what we face or how deep our sorrow may be, God is sovereign over us and desires only good things for our lives (1 Corinthians 15:54–58). We can take comfort knowing that He hears our prayers and calls us back into hope whenever we are struggling through difficult times or feeling overwhelmed by pain or loss.

When faced with situations beyond our control such as death or destruction caused by sin, it can be easy to give up hope; however, faith provides assurance that despite all appearances God has already won the battle against death through Christ’s resurrection (John 11:48–50). Through believing in Him we have access not only to an eternal life with Him but also experience a joyous reunion here on earth through God making all things new (Revelation 21:5). So no matter what we may be facing today let us remember these words from Scripture—we have been given victory over death through Christ’s resurrection, which brings new life right now as well as a promise of eternity!e story of Jesus raising Lazarus from the dead is a powerful reminder of the remarkable power and glory of God in the midst of our suffering and sorrow. In John 11:43-44, we see Jesus confidently calling out “Lazarus, come out” despite the doubts of those gathered around him. This moment exemplifies Jesus’ power over death, even in its most hopeless form. It is a reminder that no matter the circumstances – no matter how bleak or dark – Jesus will bring us out of our tombs if we put our trust in Him.

To watch the sermon associated with this blog please visit: https://www.youtube.com/live/LOIkj86-JH4?feature=share

Prioritized Parenting

As parents, it is our job to create and maintain a safe and healthy environment for our children. But how do we do that? Here are some tips on how to prioritize family faithfully, be clearly present, and parent appropriately.

Another key element of parenting is being clearly present. This means being present both physically and emotionally for your children. It means listening when they need to talk and offering support when they need it. It also means being available when they need help with their homework or just want someone to play with. Being present also includes setting boundaries and providing structure so that your children know what is expected of them and can feel secure in their home environment. To do this we have to remove some of our own distractions. It is hard! Many of us have jobs that don’t shut off and social media is always on. We have to make it a point to put our devices down, leave them in another room and be clearly present with our kids.

One of the most important aspects of parenting is prioritizing family faithfully. This means making sure that your family comes first in all decisions you make. It also means setting aside time each day to spend with your family and make sure everyone’s needs are being met. This could include having a weekly family dinner or game night, or simply taking a few minutes each day to talk about what’s going on in everyone’s lives. Many nights we don’t get to have meals together because of schedule conflicts so we set aside time before bed to discuss our daily bible reading, talk about what is going on in their lives and to pray together. We find that it is our greatest time of bonding. Also, it allows Carrie and I to do the hard work of Biblical training. The Scripture is clear, Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. Eph 6:4.

Finally, it is important to parent appropriately according to the age of your child. For example, toddlers require more supervision than older children, so it’s important to provide appropriate guidance while still allowing them the freedom to explore their world safely. With older children, it’s important to provide clear expectations while still allowing them independence as they grow into young adults. This is so hard. We have 5 children ranging from age 14 to age 4! They all have different personalities, needs and activities. I can’t parent my 14 year old the same way I do the other 4. It’s irresponsible and dangerous. We have to take an honest look at our kids, their specific needs and maturity to make the best parenting decision for them. It may not always be fair but it may be necessary for that kid at that time.

As parents, we don’t get days off. There are no vacations from making the right decisions for our kids. The days are long but the years are short when it comes to parenting. Make the moments count!

Sources:

• https://www.youversion.com/the-bible-app/

Anxiety is a trap!

Anxiety is a trap! So many of us feel like we are out of control with our thoughts and worries. That is really what anxiety is, isn’t it? The fear that comes from not being in control. There are so many things that we just don’t get a choice in which oddly enough brings us to another choice. We can sit in our anxiety and fear of what might happen, or we can choose to trust. We can choose to lean into our Heavenly Father and trust His control. If God is indeed as good as His word claims, then why not trust Him? The Bible reminds us that we do not have to be afraid or anxious because God is in control and is with us always. In Isaiah 41:10, God says, “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” This verse reminds us that we can put our trust in God and find strength and peace in Him, even in difficult and anxious moments. Another cause of anxiety is the sense of feeling overwhelmed. In Psalm 55:22, David says, “Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken.” This verse reminds us that we can give our worries and cares to God, and He will sustain us and keep us from being overwhelmed. The Bible also teaches us to focus on things that are true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent, and praiseworthy (Phil 4:8). Redirecting your thoughts to focus on the truth is a way to retrain your mind. Retraining your mind to trust instead of worrying is essential in freeing yourself from anxiety’s jaws. Another way to overcome anxiety is by practicing gratitude. In 1 Thessalonians 5:18, it says, “Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” Practicing gratitude can help to shift our focus from our problems to God’s blessings and provision. When the temptation arises to be negative take a moment and shift your attitude to one of gratitude. I would suggest taking a moment to meditate and thank God for all of the things that you have to be thankful for. This allows us to free our minds and emotions from the stress of the anxiety. It offers us relief to reset our mood and thoughts so that we can see clearly how to move forward. Finally, prayer and meditating on the Word of God are powerful ways to overcome anxiety. In Philippians 4:6-7, it says, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. “When we pray and meditate on the Word of God, we can experience the peace of God, which can help to calm our anxious hearts and minds. God knows our struggles. In His love for us He offers us His word to guide us and to offer us hope. He gives us a “Helper,” in the Holy Spirit to walk with us through our most troubling times. The Holy Spirit can also use wise Christians whom we have in our lives that we can lean on. They can help to guide us when the way forward seems unclear. I would encourage you during those especially hard time to reach out to a trusted friend who can speak wisdom, love and God’s word into your life. We can put our trust in God. We can give our worries and cares to Him, focus on things that are true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent, and praiseworthy, practice gratitude, pray and meditate on the Word of God. Remember that God is always with us, and He is able to give us strength, peace and help us overcome anxiety.